the problem with goodbyes
is that they become cumulative,
each a reminder of all those before.
a wave of the hand whispers
of months of heartache;
a hug murmurs
of those embraced for the last time;
of agonizing cries aimed heavenward.
the “see you soons” pile up into a reasonless hill
of sorrow for the faces I’ve seen no more.
each goodbye leads to a new hello, they say,
but more certain is that each hello ends in goodbye.
is “bittersweet” a cop-out for the faint of heart?
yet I am faint of heart.
the bitter ties my heart in knots that ease with time
but clench again at triggers of farewells,
turning of leaves,
cars pulling away,
reminders of mortality.
am I the only one
who has developed a ptsd
love is sacrifice,
love is unreasonable and stupid,
love is painful and gut-wrenching and I saw it all coming.
I saw it all coming.
but somehow it’s worth it.
I will say hello again
even as I wince from the whiplash of a hundred crashes with reality.
I know one who says a thousand goodbyes every day.
I know one whose heart breaks into more pieces than mine.
we cry together over this sick, sad state of everyday sorrows,
and begin again.
I don’t know why
except that I must,
to love is to be human,
and I tremblingly hold to my humanity.